Thoughts and Opinions

gollly today rolled around like those sonofabitch dykes who powerskate and elbow each other into a bloody pupl. It kicked off when last night, out of nowhere, my shadow started screaming at my. I was like, im ready subconscious mind, give me your worst. then I started getting into dark psychologoy, and I quickly realized how deep the fucker has a grasp on me. he has a lot of control. I started thinking about my past lives, how I was raped by a total fatty arbuckle type because I was the princess of Yugoslavia. how I show high propensities for Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psykopathy. how I can never really connect to those around me. how this feeling of darkness has been prevailing throughout my life. god, all of it is bullshit. I can't even look myself in the eyes anymore. who am I? who is this spekingto you right now? is it Dorian? or a demon that took control over dorian long ago, feigning him his flimsy powers, leading him into the perfect sense of false security, and lurki...

There are some forces of nature that have their own natural swinging rhythm section, a 20s style big band of Life dealing with beats so big that you couldn't break them down with any mortal meter. No 12 over 8 will not suffice when we are talking about God here. Mill to the grindstone right at the root of it all. If God could be boring enough to keep a face for a second, I wonder who'd he be? Yet he chose to look like us, the sick and twisted fuck; if god and I are the same then he must have a love for bondage like I do. I'm getting besides myself. The point of the matter is that when you are dealing with the Grand Poobah, I don't think your petty little emergency means his urgency. For them, there is no difference between the time your basement starts flooding with excrement at 3am in the morning, and between the time you wake up to your house smelling like shit, toy train collection ruined, and between the time you hire the greasy plumber from the sloppy side of town ...

History is hard to know, because of all of the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of "history it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time - and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened. My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights - or very early mornings - when I left the Fillmore half - crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lighting across the Bay Bridge at a hundred miles an hour wearing L.L. Bean shorts and a Butte sheepherder's jacket.. booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at the lights of Oakland and Berkeley and Richmond, not quite surre which turn - off to take when I go to the other end ( always stalling at the toll gate, too twisted to find neutral while I fumbled for change)… but bring absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I woul...

I've been feeling really anxious lately, like I do not exist. I am in the painstaking position where I see my vision as clear as day, but nobody else can see it. It's true that nobody else can see it generally, but I am not asking for the help that I need here I guess. I feel like support is such an unselfish thing. You shouldn't have to ask for help, but in this world you do. So Ms. Universe, Mr. Omnipotent, please do what you do and allow me to be the biggest and brightest star that I could possibly be in this galaxy. I want to be a storehouse of energy for others, and have my flimsy little rays provide enough warmth for others to feed themselves. I really want to have the biggest voice that any human being has ever had.  I feel like nothing but good comes rom me, even the bad is a better good. I hope that it comes across to every person that I meet that I have a genuine concern for them. I have divine intentions, and almost everything that I do is for the benefit of othe...

I've got to better. I've got to better to my fellow human being, my fellow vessels of energy, my fellow perfect ideas. I've got to better man. I've been slacking, getting soft, lazy, despondent, conforming to my comrades, becoming what I absolutely despise the most out of anything else in this entire world, a common man living a common existence. God how its so displeasing. God how its so terrifyingly displeasing to live life externally. To live life based on things as shallow, as fleeting, as inextorably unreliable as appearances. If I got my left ear chopped off, would I not be the same Dorian? Would I be treated, considered, and approached differently just because I have one ear less, would I not be the person you were talking to a week ago. Would you treat my abnormality with some type of reproach, some type of psychological trappings that never get sorted out, a "who does this guy thinks he is, chopping his ear off because he felt like it.", even though t...