it darkness yddaydaadyadda

gollly today rolled around like those sonofabitch dykes who powerskate and elbow each other into a bloody pupl. It kicked off when last night, out of nowhere, my shadow started screaming at my. I was like, im ready subconscious mind, give me your worst. then I started getting into dark psychologoy, and I quickly realized how deep the fucker has a grasp on me. he has a lot of control. I started thinking about my past lives, how I was raped by a total fatty arbuckle type because I was the princess of Yugoslavia. how I show high propensities for Machiavellianism, narcissism, and psykopathy. how I can never really connect to those around me. how this feeling of darkness has been prevailing throughout my life.

god, all of it is bullshit. I can't even look myself in the eyes anymore. who am I? who is this spekingto you right now? is it Dorian? or a demon that took control over dorian long ago, feigning him his flimsy powers, leading him into the perfect sense of false security, and lurking, everyso steadily below the surface, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

or at least that is what I thought of as I woke up today. I was really fucking anxious about remembering the fact that I am pure fucking evil, and having the little fucker right there in the room, eating peaches like a pornstar devours punann=nni, the devil itself. 

Its grip tightened, everso surely, over my perturbed heart. but there was no distinction between my usual glazed over field of emotions, and the trench of desires too dark to speak that was speaking from my heart. wrapped around me was the need to kill, to punch, to maim, to rape, to pillage, to steal, to cheat, to stab, plunder, to manipulate, to deceive, all of those desires were right there telling me how much I needed to do them. 

naturally, what's a man to do when he has the devil in his heart? I went outside and smoked a cig, smoked some pot, and spoke to myself. had a serious chatter about my fluttery reasoning behind me losing my evil virginity. tthen I realized that the highest good was a miracle need\ing to be cherished because there is no rational reason why anybody should choose to be good at all. this world supports evil, as long as it can, before it can get caught.

then I found it, the perfect merging of light and dark, the it frequency. now im not saying that im not still a total sack of shit with bags for eyes and caviar for brains, but at least I know that all I kneed to know is the highest good, nothing else.