semblance?

 trust me

i know pain

i know the pain 

of being too small to ever fit into your high school circle

so the only way you can get cred is to get tough and join the biker gang

chain mail black zoot suited modded out leather jackets

real punk shit

and yet, since you werent as tough asthe other guys

and you were the smallest in the bunch

youu were the first one to get betrayed when things got rough

everybody got off scot free and you got 30 years in the pen,

all for what

to come back home and realize nobody in that gang survived past the age of 23

and you were one of the lucky ones

because you got to live to tell the story

even thoough almost every day you got chain raped in prison by leaders of the opposing biker gang

im talking about butt fucked in the prison lunch tablefor everyone to see type stuff

one thing they dont tell you about prison is how much your life is in the hands of the guards

if the guards mess with you, you get brownie points,

you get to do whatever you want

extra cigarettes

late nights on the town

party places hooker bars and showbixz

all the coke your throat can muster

but if the guards hate you

there is nothing worse than being in prison and the guards hate you

the main and only force of authority in a gang group full of people who didnt respect authority enough to not do what they came to prison for in the first place

so yeah

almost every other day for 30 years

and it wasnt like i couldnt defend myself

i tried, trust me i did

but when you try to defend yourself, and the next thing you know your hand is broken because they paid off one of the guards

and plus the guards dont like you anyways, so its a enemy of my enemy is a friend type thing

then yeah, you get the message real quick

that its either take the ass fucking

or take the broken bones that get no time to heal

because you are still epected to do forced labor

every fucking day

you are breakind down rocks to be distributed to coal mines or companies like tiffanies

or you are moving wood and lumber so that the flapjacks in bosnia can have their specially engraved black oak tables to doivory cocaine off of

or your kicking the schmit with a bunch of drug addicts who got locked up because they were too stupid to not do them in public

or you are taking the iron and steel bars and ripping your head open with them because you cant stand another day in prison getting but fucked by some hatred that shouldve faded awhile ago

and you know that dude is extending his time on purpose

he'd rather sstay in prison and buttfuck you then be a man and go and face the real world for once

so cigarettes, they were always a premium to me

didnt have much family, and nobody like me enough to ever offer me any

so when i got my hands up on them, they were pure bliss

i miss those days, back in those days you had nigger picking your tobacco

so it made it hit more

it seemed fresher

nothing boosts a hateful person up more than being hated on

and i was a hateful person

not becuase i wanted to be\

but becausse i had to be

the world made me this way

because id be damned if i got bullied at school for being who i am

so i ditched who i am to dig my own ditch later''']

was it worth it

nothing is really worth it

you either get it or you dont

and when you do get it

you realize that the fun was in not having it

not having it

ya know?

its in the chase

the journey

the hunt

the unepected expectations

not in having the thin

having the thing never gets you there

im in life to be turned onn

to be  flipped

for a good fuck

not for good luck

not for the expectations of others

not for the power of oppression

oppression gets old and boring real fast

its like yeah, i got these people i can do whatever the fuck i want with

but now what?

thats why this world is so depraved

nobody wants to admit how empty it is

because you start wanting more and more 

because boredom is a mans worst enemy

and so you start inventing all these sick and twisted manical games

like staring wars just so you can feed your habit of ceremonially cutting off young girls clitorisis and eating them while they are still alive

the blood dripping down their legs, the pains of their screams, the seemingly invincible godliness as the estrogen shivers down your spine and enters into your gonads

the high you feel after drinking your piss afterwards

libido, back in those days it was considered the finest aphrodisiac there is

to find a young girl, cut her clit, eat it, eat her out, and then fuck her as if she just blew the game winnging shot and you betted your whole life savings on her making it

oh the hatred ive given and received through sex

some of the things ive seen make no sense

no sense at all

no human sense

it would either have you believe in god

because of how strange they were

or believe in no god

because the cruelty was unfathomable

ive seem people slit people's throats because they couldnt pronounce their names right

ive seem disembodied heads put on full display for the enemy to cower and fear in

ive seen wit, enamoured by glory, get persecuted at the main stage, for trying to defend what they've believe in

ive seen myself fall from a cliff, my whole life flashing before my very eyes, and the only thought i could think of is why did i get out of bed this morning?

ive seen accidental deaths mmore times than i can count

ive seen picture flash in my mind of the most grotesque horror shows

kids getting pulverized by adult penises

little girls and little boys forced to have sex in a room full of masked up booted and suited strangers

just cxuz they themselves are too scared to admit they are also bored with life

with all of their wealth and opulence

ive seen blood rituals turn sour, sex rites gone south, ectoplasmic diembodied heads screaming

the lord is not with this one he is easy prey lets get him

ive seen the blackest of the black, the lowest of the low

ive seen prostitutes with pride, and lowdown scum fuck faggit boys gathering their funds so they can all share a piece of me

ive seen sex used for everything but love

ive seen sex used for pride, for ego, for lust, for power, for consolidation, for forgivenes

but never for love

and yet to be able to experience love in this lifetime?

goes to show you how much of a fucking joke this whole shit is

bbecause ive been more low than the subatomic particles that run this place can go

and yet, im still here, somehow, someway

like ive seen every gross thing you can ever imagine

the stories they show and tell you are really watered down because the masses cannot stomach the shit that ive seen

ive seen grown men, real tough studs, macho rutheless killer warriors, get on their knees to suck my dick, because i won the war and the win made me feel horny

id do anything for my ego, for my foolish pride

you can touch anything you want, but dont ever touch my pride

my pride is all that ive had

and yet, ive had my pride broken so many times it doesnt make any sense

have you ever had your testicle rip to shreds because you decided to stand up for yourself and say "IM SO PROUD TO BE ME" on a cop car, somewhere out there in sierra leone?

have you ever had your throat crushed by a horse on accident because a maiden of war caught your eye too fast and too soon

have you ever soul half of your soul to a witch for the one you love, just to get exiled because you decided to tell your best friend?

who was jealous of you your entire life, and you didnt know it?

have you ever had to stand their, be burned at the stake, and be called all types of fowletries, all because your witch teacher, whom she recruited you in the first place, decided to turn in the entirety of the sisterhood in once things started getting hot in the salem witch trials....

just to look up, and see her in the crowd, smiling and laughing, as if she could see the future, and planned this all along?

have you ever been raped and fingered by your younger brother, in the presence of the courtyard, and instead of being showed compassion and empathy, be labeled as a whore by all of the nobility, just to be raped again at the end of your life, by him, dagger at your throat, blood smearing on the sheets, because he decided to cut the side of your labia as slow as he possibly can......

have you ever been a general in war, making the wrong decision, costing your men their lives and the war, and having to run away to some foreign country in the hills just to be a turnip farmer, because in those days victory meant goddhood and defeat as a leader meant death?

have you ever had to lick up big daddies semen from a floor of semen, just so you could convince him to like you enough to feed you freedom bit by bit by bit by bit, in order for you to kill him, get his keeps, run like hell, escape the labyrimth of human sex trafficking, and survive as a stockbroker in west philedelphia, just to get picked back up at the age of 26, all because you had one drink too many after a hard day at the exchange?

have you ever had the fear of being a child to an abusive dad, who, night after night, would come home from his druken stupor, and rape you, over and over again, for years

and so one day, you finally decide to get a beer bottle, break it, stab him in the neck, and kill him, just so you can have some semblance of freedom, just to end up being enslaved in the red light district of kyoto as a geisha? where you met your dad in various forms over and over and over and over again?

and your only bliss was the cigarettes you bummed from your bum fucks after their time with you was over with and done?